(Ketika Keguguran
Menyapa)
Assalamualaikum..
"I have been through miscarriage twice and I hope the third
time I am pregnant it will be a happy womb with a healthy baby girl or
boy..." (Miseko)
I hope this
writing would turn out to be an enlightening and a relieving one. Alright,
let's start.
On around
the end of January 2016, after our sixth anniversary the happiest and the long
awaited moment came in my life. It was the test pack result which blushed me
into countless happiness. First pregnancy in six years, I thought it was the
most graceful gift for our anniversary.
 |
| Fist time got positive result. |
People say,
moods are swinging during pregnancy but I was far too happy to feel the moods.
The little baby inside made my world always bright every day. I thought he/she
would be a peaceful and cheerful baby as he/she had made me so.
For the
eight weeks only I could have that feeling. Some uninvited spots came and then
followed with small bleeding, medium bleeding and finally much bleeding with
some clots came out. So, that was it. I must let go. He or she did not belong
to me yet.
Curettage
was a must, said the doctor. I was weak and devastated. The curettage process
went well. I got general anaesthetic. Being two days hospitalized was tiring,
so having a general anaesthetic for the first time was an impression to me. I
could sleep well for a while without worrying my condition.
My recovery
went well. I was sad, so sad but by time I could accept it
wholeheartedly.
Then, the
second miracle came again on the beginning of September 2016. I was pregnant
for the second time. I was more than ready than before, more than anticipating
than before. I gave all that I could give to keep this wonderful blessing.
However, the small voice inside me said, "If this could survive the 8th
week, then it will safely last till the delivery day."
 |
| The second positive result. |
Again, in
the 8th week, terrible bleeding for several days, with some clots at the last
days and finally it came out. I was devastated for the second time. My hope was
splintered once again.
At first, I didn't
have to go through curettage again. But after a week, there were a
little remaining in my womb, so curettage was a must. Again I must be strong. I
told myself, "It's good that it is detected that it is not yet clean
inside. Relax, everything will be okay. Bismillah.." Honestly, I tried to
relax and it was hard at first. You know, the pain was still there and my heart
was still weak. But there was no other option. So, I chose to be strong.
My recovery
went well. My heart was getting stronger. I wanted to know what could be the
causes. And I was determined to go to the doctor in RSCM (RS Cipto
Mangunkusumo). I was directed to go there by my doctor, dr. Hasan.
So, I met
Dr. Muharam. He is a kind and encouraging doctor. He asked me to do several
checking to help diagnose what probably the causes of my repeated miscarriage.
Both my
husband and I did some laboratory checking:
Husband:
- SAL (Complete Semen Analysis). Result: Normal
- HALO test (Sperm DNA Fragmentation). Result: Normal
Me:
- Beta-HCG. Result: Positive. It meant that my body still thought that I was still pregnant. It was because some pregnancy tissue was left inside, so curettage was a must.
- Anti Rubella. Result: both IgG and IgM are Non Reactive.
- D-Dimer (to check the thickness of my blood). Result: <100 (Normal)
- Anti CMV. Result: IgG (+), IgM (-). It meant I was infected long ago. Now, no longer infected. My body has formed the antibody of CMV (IgG(+)). According to dr. Hasan and Dr. Muharam, it’s safe for me to be pregnant.
- Anti-Toxoplasma. Result: both IgG and IgM are Non Reactive
After all
the process, the doctor concluded that everything was good either my husband or
me. He asked me to visit him right away in the 1st week of my future
pregnancy. He explained that when a women was pregnant everything with and
inside her body would change, including the hormones, blood, etc. He wanted to
check to see what the difference is as for now he could not find anything
strange with me.
Well, I am
grateful for the good result. After 3 months I am allowed to be pregnant again.
It is January next year. I must prepare my body and my heart. The trauma is
still here inside my heart. The worry is still there in my mind. The question
mark is still unanswered until my third pregnancy.
Ya
Allah..please make everything ok and give me a healthy and strong pregnancy..
aamiin..
For those
who are experiencing like me, let’s not give up. Let’s keep on praying, hoping
and trying. I know it’s not easy but we must choose to go on, kick the worry
away. I am being honest to myself that I am very exhausted inside and outside.
It’s painful to experience miscarriage. And it is more hurtful to lose the
little baby. But if I let myself drown for too long, my tears would run dry.
Life must go on. I keep on hoping and giving my best effort. Man jadda wajada..
where there is a will, there is a way.. Just believe that one day we will
become a mother. When I am down, I just think that one day I will become a
mother and I feel so happy and more hopeful. Let’s keep on giving our best
effort… May god give us the children that we are dreaming of… may god grant our
wishes… May god lead us to the right way… aamiin..
Wassalamualaikum…
Miseko
